How do you get confidence in yourself? And what does confidence really mean?
When you look up the word confidence it is defined as:
a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
Pay close attention to the second part of this definition which states 'an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities'
When you feel confident in your abilities it will usually result in confidence.
First, let's look at where you need more confidence.
In what areas of your life do you need more confidence?
Here are some areas where you may want to increase your confidence:
Confidence in your body
Body acceptance and confidence in your appearance is a great asset to have.
Not only will you no longer be a slave to the beauty and fashion industry, you have learned how to accept your body and dress it well.
Body confidence has nothing to do with your body size either. Women of all shapes and sizes struggle with body confidence issues and women from all shapes and sizes feel confident about your body.
- Just look at the video from Lizzo she Unapologetically celebrates her body.
- Have a look at this style interview with Debra, who shows her body and wrinkles with pride.
- My other favorite examples are Heather and Georgette. The latter also explains how she was able to get body confident in her style interview.
Confidence in your (aging) face (just the way it is
Being confident with how you look is empowering too. It surprises me always how many women don’t dare to go out without makeup.
Why is that?
Why do they feel that they need to camouflage just to go outside?
I feel there’s great power to be confident with yourself and your makeup free face, just the way you are.
That doesn’t mean you can't apply makeup to enhance yourself; it just means that it’s not an obligation but a choice. If you’re one of those women that never shows your naked face, you may feel amazed at how freeing this can be!
Confidence in your style
You may want to get more confidence in how you present yourself to the world. Or maybe you want to feel more like yourself in your clothes.
Perhaps you want to feel more confident in putting the right clothes together.
Or you want to be more confident shopping and feel confident that you are buying the right things.
Confidence in your capabilities
Maybe you like to get more confidence in your overall abilities to do things.
Maybe it's unrelated to style, but you like to get more confident creating things, going on a trip by yourself, setting up a business.
Confidence in who you are as a person
Perhaps you just like to get more confident in yourself. In your ability to spend time by yourself and do thing for yourself.
Perhaps you need to be confident that you're 100% worthy and special (because you are!)
In your workbook answer the question: In which areas of my life would I like to have more confidence
Why do we lack confidence in those areas?
Once you have defined in your workbook in which areas you would like more confidence we can start to look at why we are not confident in that area.
There are a lot of reasons why we may not feel confident in the areas described above but in essence it comes down to the thoughts we have about that area.
Sometimes those thoughts are caused by external influences.
For example, messages from others or in the media may have inserted doubts about ourselves.
Just open any magazine or walk though the streets. We are bombarded with images of the ‘ideal body’, the ‘ideal skin’, super successful people who seem to ‘have it all’. When our own bodies, skin or lives don’t fit that description, we start to doubt ourselves.
Most of us will experience this self doubt, including me.
When this self doubt comes up it will trick you into thinking that your inability to do something or your lack of confidence is a simple fact. In reality your perceived inability or lack of confidence may be self-doubt in disguise.
Much of your perceived lack of confidence comes from your thoughts. You got a certain input from another person or media outlet and you are making it mean something.
When I apply this to styling ourselves here is what could happen.
You wear an outfit and you feel good in it.
However, when you come to work you get a negative comment about the outfit and your start to doubt yourself. Even though you were confident in the outfit before, the comment has started you to doubt and you are now no longer confident about your own judgement.
This may continue at home the next time you put an outfit together as that comment has instilled in you a self doubt in dressing yourself.
Here is how I can put this example in a model
C (Circumstance): I wear blue cropped pants with a striped white and red t-shirt and ballerina shoes - this event is neutral and can be proven in a court of law
T(thought): I'm not sure if this looks good on me
F (feeling): insecure
A (Action): I'm not standing as straight or don't act as confident as I could do and get no compliments
R (Result): I didn't feel happy in the outfit (which proves the initial thought)
Here is an alternative model
C: I wear blue cropped pants with a striped white and red t-shirt and ballerina shoes
T: I love this look and will own it!
A: I stand a little taller and walk a little straighter. I smile! People comment on how good I look
R: I feel feel confident and happy
Your thought about the neutral circumstance will determine your final result!
We are thinking thousands of thoughts each day! Are you thinking the right throughs? Are you aware that some of your thoughts are leading to undesired results?