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How do you get confidence in the area of your choice?

All good and well you may think, but how do I get confidence in my particular chosen area(s)?

And if my thoughts create a lot of that insecurity, what can I do about it? Just thinking another thought doesn't mean that I will believe it!

I get it.

But realizing that our thoughts determine our experience of neutral circustance is the first step.

A lot of the lack of confidence is caused by our own thoughts.

We therefore need to find a way to change our thoughts.

You can do that through coaching yourself and recognizing these thoughts for what they are. You can start to observe your own thoughts and once you recognize that those thoughts are not serving you and leading to your lack of confidence or results in a certain area, you can start changing those thoughts.

Of course that can take some practise and time but it’s a practise I have been doing for a while now in one way or another and it’s incredible how powerful it is.

Some of my own results:

1. It has led me from being a desperately insecure young adult that was bullied to a secure older woman who confidently showcases herself to the world.
2. I have no qualms in showing my naked face on a daily basis.
3. I have learned to accept my crossed eyes and feel beautiful most days.
4. I feel confident about my body despite aging and menopause taking their toll.
5. From feeling mrs average, I now feel I have so much to offer the world which has resulted in a successful business that continues to grow.
6. Despite my 50+ years I feel like I’m only just getting started with achieving my goals and reaching my full potential.

Please note though that all those gains don’t mean that I don't have feelings of insecurity or lack of confidence. I definitely do!

It’s really part of the territory when you challenge yourself and want to grow as a person.

But I recognise those feelings of insecurity for what they are and then work through them so that they don’t stop me from fully participating in the world and feel happy and content and capable of reaching my goals.

Feelings of self doubt and lack of confidence are normal but you need to recognize them!

In fact if you don’t get them on a regular basis, you may not grow enough as a person and stay too much in your comfort zone.

It's easy to do something that you've always done (like wearing a similar outfit) but it’s always scary to try something new. To try a new look or trend, a new makeup technique, to go outside without makeup, to act on a new business idea or to start a new friendship.

You will experience doubts which will lead to feeling of worry or fear. Those feelings can be uncomfortable.

Again, this includes me too!

Sometimes I feel that a change or a new goal is just too hard or uncomfortable and I have to be really careful to recognize those feelings and then coach myself (or hire a coach) to control them.

Knowing how to deal with your feelings of doubt and lack of confidence can help you in all areas of your life. And once you get good at managing those feelings and coach yourself, you can achieve almost anything.

The fear of judgement

One of the most common things that stops us in our tracks from trying something new (even something as simple like trying on a new kind of outfit) is the fear of being judged.

You are afraid of what others will say of you. What your friends, family, friends, parents will say. And even what complete strangers will say.

The truth is: you will be judged because people judge all the time. It's just what people do.

Just think about yourself for a moment. What did you think of your tea this morning. Was it good, bad, just ok? That’s a judgement.

What did you think when you looked in the mirror this morning? How did you think you looked? No matter what your answer is, that is a judgement.

What did you think about the tv show you watched yesterday?

The truth is we judge every day, the whole day. It’s just what we do.

So if you do anything, anything at all, you will be judged. And not everyone will judge you positively.

Let’s think about Oprah for a moment. Do you love her show? Do you like her? Does she inspire you?

If I ask 10 different people from different walks of life, they will probably all give a different answer. Some people will be VERY critical of her. Yet, Oprah is one of the richest women in the world and one of the most ‘successful’ in the traditional sense of the word. Many people love her, many people loathe her.

If you do anything that’s worth doing, that’s making a statement, people will judge you. That is a fact. Yet, so many people are so afraid of that judgement that they would rather do nothing out of the ordinary at all, for this fear of being judged.

Here are some questions for you to ponder

To what degree do you judge yourself negatively? How do you start your day?

When people judge you how do you know, to the exact degree that you’re being judged? 7% of their ability to judge? 57% ? Full on 100% judgement? (The truth is, you don’t know).

At what degree of judgement can you take action anyway? Can you only take action when you are in a 100% judgement free zone? (That means you’re a perfectionist and you’re never going to take action because nothing ever is perfect).

However, can you take action when you have 20% judgement or maybe 10% judgement. At what level of judgement can you take action? How will you know when?

What would your life look like 3 months from now, a year from now, if you took action even though you knew you were going to be judged?

Accept that you're going to be judged

In the end what you may realize is that it doesn’t matter what others will think of you because you are who you are.

Just be that.

When you do that, the real you will start coming through you and you will see changes coming through in your life.

So why not go out and do what you love to do (in every area of your life).

Ready for more confidence and achieve your goals?

Here is how we will do that.

  1. First we identify what you want or in which areas you want more confidence
  2. Then we we will examine your thoughts - what are the obstacles in your way? How does the fear of judgement get in your way?
  3. Notice your response to thoughts of self-doubt
  4. Decide not to believe the negative thoughts
  5. Decide what to believe about yourself

5 steps towards more confidence >>