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5 steps towards more confidence

Step 1 What do you want? In which area do you want more confidence

We already discussed this before.

Identify an area where you want more confidence or what is something you would really like to achieve? Make sure you complete the exercize in your work book.

Step 2 Write down your thoughts

Whatever it is you want, think about it.

You'll probably notice that a lot of self doubts come up.

Where do you doubt yourself. What do you say to yourself?

  • I’ll never be as stylish as her because I'm not that tall
  • I don't have the ability to coordinate color
  • I’ll never lose weight
  • None of my friends will like this
  • I'm afraid of what people will say
  • You need to be slim to look good
  • I never complete anything
  • I’ll never find the right partner
  • I’m too old to wear that etc.etc.

Our opinions of the obstacles between us and our desired result are what determine how much self-doubt (and lack of confidence) we have.

Step 3: Notice your response to thoughts of self-doubt

Then ask yourself, what is my opinion of each of these obstacles? When you ask that, what you’re really asking is “what do I think about those obstacles?

Do you think: "it’s going to be impossible to understand and figure out the right clothes for my body." That thought is breeding self doubt.

On the other hand if you opinion is, that, "yes, figuring that out will be an obstacle, but I will learn it and I will face it and practise it and I will understand it and I will have compassion for it, I will be in control of my mind and my feelings and my actions”, that opinion is going to breed determination and action to achieve what it is that you want to achieve.

It’s a choice. You can always commit to self doubt or you can commit to your goal.

You can see your self doubt coming up and see it for what it is, acknowledge it but resolutely say that you will not entertain it and nor pay attention to it. You’re going to move forward regardless and commit to your goal.

Also what do you think about yourself when you think about thoughts of doubts and your obstacles?

When you believe those thoughts, when you attach yourself to them, what do you feel like?

What do you do when you feel that way?

Pay attention to your response so that you understand where your thoughts go. Write them down.

For example, when you think about styling yourself and looking and feeling amazing and then start thinking things like: “I'll never look as good as Jennifer Aniston even if I copy her look. Who do I think I am? I’m past my used-by date now that I’m 60? Women over 50 can’t look beautiful no matter how hard they try. I may as well stop trying and put in any effort because it will never work."

Those thoughts will sabotage your goals.

You may start to feel deflated, old, sad or any other negative emotions.

What do you do when you feel those emotions?

Do you grab some chocolate? Go for some shopping 'therapy'? Indulge in self pity?

When you write those feelings down and then notice which actions you take when you have those feelings, you can see that self sabotage a lot clearer.

You can see where those feelings lead to.

You just feel discouraged. You feel doubtful.

When you’re full of doubts you take no action or you take the wrong action.

Step 4: Decide not to believe the negative thoughts

Once you recognize your negative thinking pattern, you can decide if you want to continue to believe it or if you want to change your negative thoughts.

Do you want to believe that you can’t be successful at.....

Do you want to believe that?

Do you have evidence that this thought is true? Is this evidence a fact? (Will others confirm this fact in a court of law)

Do you remind yourself that self doubt is a choice and that confidence is a choice?

Doubt your doubt - not your goals!

Realise that when you set yourself a goal, you are supposed to feel challenged.

Our ability to grow is only limited by our self doubt.

Step 5: Decide what to believe about yourself

Once you know what you’re not going to believe, you need to ask yourself what you want your opinion of yourself to be.

What do you want to think about when you think about yourself?

What do you want to think about about when you think about your dreams?

What are you going to choose to focus on?

What are you going to choose to tell your mind to think about?

If after all this, you’re thinking that you don’t have any obstacles in your way, then perhaps you’re not dreaming big enough.

It’s possible that you’ve been doing that because you want to avoid these feelings of doubt.

You may want to go though this exercise again with a bigger goal or dream.

How to practise confidence and create new models >>